i need an iv and a liver transplant
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
