And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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