JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
