I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
