Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
