this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
