I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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