By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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