Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
