Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
