...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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