I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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