so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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