i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The power of my boobs compel you
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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