part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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