Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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