I'm gonna have a badass scar
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize