well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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