my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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