he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
