If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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