he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
