Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
