How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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