Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
