so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
