I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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