what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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