We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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