my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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