so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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