I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
