You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
