i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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