I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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