grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
