FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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