Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
