We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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