I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
