I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
