you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
