bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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