so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
