if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i think my mom watched the whole time
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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