They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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