You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
