I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize