Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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