I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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