every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
