Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you will always have a special place in my vag
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
