hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have fence marks all over my body
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
