you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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