I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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