Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
