whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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