I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
