Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
