He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
