i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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