We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
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We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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