Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
