I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
