it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
