I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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