The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
