i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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