They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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