WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
