You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
